A Little Step into My Head

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to talk about 'The Hobbit'. After two disappointing films that were mostl pointless filler we have finally reached the dreaded conclusion. I thought I was ready. I thought my expectations were low enough. If there is one skill that Peter Jackson has, it's the unyielding ability to always find a new low. Although in a scene by scene comparison nothing can be worse than the barrel riding scene in 'Desolation of Smaug', as a whole, 'Battle of Five Armies' managed to leave me with an even larger pain in my stomach than any of it's predecessors. Do you want details? Well, I'm going to give them so buckle in. This movie is nothing but a soulless franchise that should be an eternal shame to everyone involved. All of the trite side plots that we have grown to loath continued, at their normal slothful pace. Yes, more vomit inducing dwarf/elf romance, Gandalf and his merry band doing things that have nothing  to ...

Happy Daylight Savings time! Yeah, I know, I heard the communal groan. No one likes this tradition! But, while you are feeling particularly grumpy due to the time change I am going to help you avoid watching two wretched films! First, and the lesser of two evils, is 'Ender's Game'. (If you want to see the trailer click,  here. ) This movie is somewhat interesting in a teenage sort of way. That is, until the end when the expectable 'Twist' happens and the absolutely bizarre ending that left me feeling confused, a bit uncomfortable, and generally just done with the movie. I was laughing out loud at it's stupidity, I really was. Mostly, it felt like a Politically Correct regurgitation of countless movie and stories that have come before it. It's sad but true!  The only reason it remained somewhat interesting through the beginning and part of the middle was the acting. Asa Butterfield and Harrison Ford were great. I pretty much watched the movie for ...

Hello, everyone! I finally managed to get myself to the theatre to see 'The Desolation of Smaug'! As most of you probably remember,  I pretty much hated the first 'Hobbit' movie.  Well, this one is even worse! Congratulation Peter Jackson, you outdid yourself. Your selfish, egotistical direction style has managed to absolutely destroy the middle section of the beloved Hobbit story. Let's get started on the details shall we? First! I know this has been talked about by everyone, but the High Frame Rate! It's distracting and clunky. I'm my opinion, it make everyone look like they were moving ever so slightly in fast forward. Also, it generally made the film quality look like a made-for-TV movie. I watched the first Hobbit in 2D so this was my first encounter with this laborious beast. They never should have done it. Second, the Hobbit feet. WHY WHY WHY? Why did they make his feet swollen to a comical, ridiculous level? They are meant to be hairy and tough, ...

Hello movie world! Today I have two movies that I think should be skipped entirely. This is for the people who are waiting for things to come out on DVD. I did that, too, and I wasted a few Netflix shipments on these mongrels. Everyone you get to see bicker for the entire film. First, is 'Now You See Me'. This movie is bang-your-head-against the-wall boring, completely flat in character and plot development, and sadly filled with good actors shelling out cheap, hollow acting. It's not even exciting! You just watch, essentially, the same heist go down three times broken up by a boring monologue in between that explains things. It's like a puzzle for dummies! They don't even give you enough time to become confused before they show you all the answers. This, paired with the fact that any major twists are either seriously predictable, or such cop-outs that they are groan-worthy, makes 'Now You See Me' an obvious skip. Just don't waste your time! Sec...

Yesterday, I bopped down to the movie theatre and watched 'The Family'. As you may remember,  I was pretty excited about this one.  Well, it was underwhelming to say the least. I was expecting a relatively lighthearted comedy that skipped on the line of a Dark Comedy. 'The Family' was more than I bargained for. It was a full fledged Dark Comedy (and I take that word 'Comedy' lightly) that flirted heavily with being gritty. It just went too far. The story was promising, but it was executed poorly. Instead of following this Ex-Mafia family as they tried to fit in and assume a normal life. What we actually get is to see them brutally, and I mean brutally, maim and torture countless innocent civilians for little to no reason. I understand that it's a Dark Comedy, and violence can be done with an air of comedy, this wasn't that. They just kept going. For example: The daughter starts hitting some boy who was making a pass at her. Okay, that can be funny I g...

Hi all. Last night I watched 'Mud'. I was quite excited for this movie, I even  blogged about the trailer.  Sadly, the movie didn't quite stand up to the trailer. It's a very strange situation. It's not that it wasn't good, it's that there was too much bad. A shame really. I'm going to start with the good things. The acting, especially McConaughey, was impressive to say the least. He was gritty and pensive. Surprisingly, he was only shirtless for maybe 5-10 minutes of the film! No, in all seriousness, I have absolutely nothing bad to say about McConaughey's performance. Good job buddy! Frankly, most all the technical aspects of 'Mud' are great. Cinematography, costumes, and sets etc. It's this fact, the fact that is was so well done in most ways, that makes it such a terrible shame to have its two flaws. Told you so. The two flaws! (Dramatic music) Flaw number one! The completely unnecessary presence of filth in this movie. By...

So today I found the trailer for 'Machete Kills'. It looks SO BAD that I have to blog about it. As you probably have noticed, I don't generally attack movies just for fun so you understand how special an occasion this is. You should watch the absolutely terrible trailer first. You probably see what I mean by terrible now. For the heck of it let's look at it a little more closely! Yes, OH MY GOSH, that's Charlie Sheen. He has decided to use his birth name instead of his stage name. I don't know what he is trying to pull, but it can't be good can it? He either thinks that people are stupid enough to not recognize him with a different name, therefore giving him a clean slate, or that everyone is going to be SO impressed that he is  bravely  using his ethnic name that we all forget his terrible, terrible history. I suppose he could also just be being crazy again or trying a gauche publicity stunt to publicise a movie that is heavily geared for the Latino...

Last night, a fantastic friend of mine dropped by my house and gave me some early viewing tickets to see 'Man of Steel'.  I felt like an absolute posh person walking past all the people in line for the midnight to go to my theatre at 7 p.m. You have to enjoy the little things in life right? Enough about me, on to the review! 'Man of Steel', as I'm sure you know, is yet another Superman origin story. Everyone is pretty well acquainted with the general idea of this story but they want to keep telling it to us! Well, they did an all right job. The plot wasn't bad but I wasn't invested either. The character development, I felt, was REALLY shallow. Because of this I was kinda 'meh' throughout the film. Visually, it was very explosive. I couldn't even begin to count how many massive fiery explosions there were. Honestly, it reminded me of the 'Trasnformers' movies because there were SO MANY fight scenes that were just swirling CGI fes...