So today I found the trailer for 'Machete Kills'. It looks SO BAD that I have to blog about it. As you probably have noticed, I don't generally attack movies just for fun so you understand how special an occasion this is.
You should watch the absolutely terrible trailer first.
You probably see what I mean by terrible now. For the heck of it let's look at it a little more closely!
Yes, OH MY GOSH, that's Charlie Sheen. He has decided to use his birth name instead of his stage name. I don't know what he is trying to pull, but it can't be good can it? He either thinks that people are stupid enough to not recognize him with a different name, therefore giving him a clean slate, or that everyone is going to be SO impressed that he is bravely using his ethnic name that we all forget his terrible, terrible history. I suppose he could also just be being crazy again or trying a gauche publicity stunt to publicise a movie that is heavily geared for the Latino audiences. All those theories are pretty shameful so I yet again just shake my head in dazed wonder at crazy old Charlie Sheen.
But wait! There's more. Lady Gaga is also coming out to play. As you can probably guess, this is her first real movie roll. Why she decided to become an actress we will never probably know. I suppose her choosing a movie this garish makes sense. Seriously though? She a singer not an actor.
With those bizarre casting choices there are a few that puzzle me even more. Mel Gibson, Jessica Alba, and Cuba Gooding Jr. These people are actors yet they are stooping to this level? Why would you risk your respectability for a cheesy, terrible, half-spoof action flick?
As for Antonio Banderas, I just shake my head. This kind of movie is not new for him. I always hope that he will mature as an actor and start to really show off his acting potential. I have written previously that I find him to be a very inconsistent actor. At the same time the very last movie I saw him in impressed me and gave me hope for his career.
The only person who makes sense is SofÃa Vergara. She generally just sells herself for cheap, slutty visuals so why would I expect something classy from her?
When you mix all of these actors together, throw is what seems to be a plot that a drunk frat boy could write, and top it off with the corny graphics and props that look like they were stolen from a 'B' movie what do you get? A two hour, waste of time, cacophony.
You should watch the absolutely terrible trailer first.
You probably see what I mean by terrible now. For the heck of it let's look at it a little more closely!
Yes, OH MY GOSH, that's Charlie Sheen. He has decided to use his birth name instead of his stage name. I don't know what he is trying to pull, but it can't be good can it? He either thinks that people are stupid enough to not recognize him with a different name, therefore giving him a clean slate, or that everyone is going to be SO impressed that he is bravely using his ethnic name that we all forget his terrible, terrible history. I suppose he could also just be being crazy again or trying a gauche publicity stunt to publicise a movie that is heavily geared for the Latino audiences. All those theories are pretty shameful so I yet again just shake my head in dazed wonder at crazy old Charlie Sheen.
But wait! There's more. Lady Gaga is also coming out to play. As you can probably guess, this is her first real movie roll. Why she decided to become an actress we will never probably know. I suppose her choosing a movie this garish makes sense. Seriously though? She a singer not an actor.
With those bizarre casting choices there are a few that puzzle me even more. Mel Gibson, Jessica Alba, and Cuba Gooding Jr. These people are actors yet they are stooping to this level? Why would you risk your respectability for a cheesy, terrible, half-spoof action flick?
As for Antonio Banderas, I just shake my head. This kind of movie is not new for him. I always hope that he will mature as an actor and start to really show off his acting potential. I have written previously that I find him to be a very inconsistent actor. At the same time the very last movie I saw him in impressed me and gave me hope for his career.
The only person who makes sense is SofÃa Vergara. She generally just sells herself for cheap, slutty visuals so why would I expect something classy from her?
When you mix all of these actors together, throw is what seems to be a plot that a drunk frat boy could write, and top it off with the corny graphics and props that look like they were stolen from a 'B' movie what do you get? A two hour, waste of time, cacophony.
Oh.My.Gosh.
ReplyDeleteThrow this stinker back!
Am I right?
Oy.